Monday, August 16, 2004
My Dirt Unit
Being the trendsetter that I am (*cough*), I've decided to start up my own dirt unit - to collect and disseminate all the nasty things I've ever done or been involved with - in the guise of "the public interest" or "the truth".
Having your own dirt unit can have its advantages. Let's face it, you know (or should know) your entire history thus far and can nominate many more occasions where you weren't the best human being, and you will always be one step ahead of the gossip mags, Crikey.com or a Herald Sun column - even if you have to write about something you did wrong BEFORE you actually did it.
And besides, dirt units set up by... let's say... the likes of Tony Abbott will always get things wrong. They never get the full picture, which can lead to the painting of you not being as sinister as it really is - although out of fear of a defamation case more than anything else. You're hardly going to sue yourself for defamation are you? You can be bolder, you can exaggerate slightly and you can go to town on yourself.
This dirt unit is going to bring me down before anything has really started.
My first claim will be that I'm incredibly arrogant. Afterall, I am not famous in any stretch of the imagination. Who would possibly be interested in dirt on Aaron Hewett - besides those who dislike me, those I owe money to or those whose gossip addiction isn't satisfied by NW Magazine? Will I ever become famous? Probably not. I'm studying urban planning. How many famous urban planners can you name? The great irony might be that I become famous because I'm possibly the first to establish my own dirt unit. Won't my mother be proud. And won't she be pouring though the list, identifying the times where I've blamed my sister, the cat, my imaginary friend for something I really did - and telling me off - 20 years later.
I also plan to make this thing interactive, so if you know me and I've done something mean, thoughtless or embarrassing to you or someone else - please write in and tell the world!
Umm afraid i can't really help your dirt unit on yourself Aaron. Apart from being a loyal, reliable, funny, kind, intelligent, friendly person there's really not much wrong with you :D
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